After 18 years of marriage, divorce and then remarriage to my soul mate, there is a lot I have learnt about marriage. Nine things I’ve learned and hope to share, to motivate my sisters and brothers to always embrace their marriage or the future one to come! These tips are especially for divorced sisters and brothers.
Marriage can be is a beautiful garden, one that we must tend to on a daily basis. Watering it with compliments, planting seeds of love, forgiving it when there is a hard time or misunderstanding, and sowing extra patience and prayer to protect the respect and trust.
- Always keep Allaswt first as he is the source of contentment and true happiness. Your spirituality, iman centers self. A balanced centered inner self-has a positive effect on oneself and all one comes in touch with.
- Be committed helpers to each other and show the best example, even when your mood is up. Better to be silent than say hurtful words that can not be taken back.
- Clear, straight honest communication especially in misunderstanding without deception breeds respect and trust, the hallmarks of a solid marriage.
- Make time for each other and for yourself to fill up your bucket and support you mentally, physically and emotionally.
- Touch. The prophet SAW was affection with his wives and even showered with them. Make time to show affection daily.
- The small things always matter. The acts of service, or small gifts, or acts of affection, or positive affirmations, or cups of tea, or walks together, or a late night conversation all are acts of love and love is made up by verbs-actions that show we care.
- Let it go. All the small things that annoy are just that, small things. If it won’t matter in five years time, then don’t sweat the small things. We are all flawed and no one can say they have perfection. Its two imperfect souls joined together with good intentions. Make excuses and never hold onto hurts or anger as that will only breed resentment and more hurt.
- Build the bridge. Be the water when he is the fire and learn to control your anger, as many small fires can leave a burnt heart. Be the first to acknowledge a mistake and don’t let the ego do the talking.
- Look for the good in each other always and make excuses. Have healthy boundaries to protect your heart and soul. Don’t look for your partner, or to partner to be to fill your happiness. You are in charge of your living and purpose. Marriage can be a fulfilling experience when two responsible adults fill themselves up first with love and then each other.
May Allah SWT grant us all awesome marriages that have the qualities of respect, trust, honest communication and sincere care. Not until we truly understand and know ourselves can we truly be authentic in our connection to others. It starts with ourselves first and foremost. Build an awesome marriage by building the best connection to Allahswt, the bestow of peace and contentment.
Let me know your take or if any of this information is helpful. To my divorced and single mother sisters, there is always hope and to be able to trust again inshaallah. Keep those duas up and work on your healing and passions. You are super heroes and Allahswt sees everything.
And sisters it’s also ok to marry a brother who is divorced. Look for sound character and sound deen first♡
To any brothers, don’t overlook a sister with children, there are many beautiful single mothers in need of care and support. And she will have an appreciation that tastes from her bitter past. They don’t realize or understand or perhaps they forget that our prophet (peace be upon him) the GREATEST man who ever walked this Earth married many divorced and widowed women. He honored these woman. To those who take the responsibility of bringing up children not your own, you are following the footsteps of the true heroes of our deen, your efforts and work will pay off. It is high time that we embrace this Sunnah, not only acknowledging the challenges that inevitably accompany it, but the incredible rewards and payoff for doing so, in both this world and the Hereafter. Who knows? It could likely be the children raised in such a way are the very thing to bring us to the gates of Jannah.
Founder & Muslimah Motherhood Coach
Muslimah Motherhood Circle